The sun. It is the centre of our solar system. It generates a magnetic field strong enough to repel the majority of dangerous particles from the cosmos, shielding her captive planets. She is beautiful and has been worshipped throughout the centuries. She is fiery and destructive but also brings life – if you are in the right place.

But that’s the thing. If you are in the right place. The Goldilocks zone.

However, we are not as well-formed as the Earth, with its protective magnetic boundaries, balanced polarities and centrifugal force balancing out the gravitational pull. When we are, all is good. We can thrive and have a healthy life.

But if something is lacking in our emotional make-up we may be seduced to edge closer, or (if we’re family) already be closer to the narcissistic Sun. The force of the solar winds, the eruptions from the solar flares, the extra heat we have to endure can make us feel enveloped in toxic smog, like Venus, or if we go further in and experience prolonged exposure, we are instead razed like desolate Mercury.

If we’re lucky, we realise this is not a safe environment, we raise our protective bubble and pull away to maintain a safe distance, or even farther away beyond reach. 

But sometimes we don’t have the self-awareness to do this, and think the Sun’s fire – which gives us varying measures of warmth and destruction – somehow completes us, makes us whole. We get addicted to the occasional moments of gentle warmth, which may diminish over time, tolerating the brutal flares (like poor Mercury) until the warmth returns. Often cut off from the rest of the planets by the intense magnetic pull of the Sun, we resign ourselves to a withering existence unaware of anything different.

There are two roads from here – downwards to destruction, crushed by the forces of the sun as it ekes out every last mote of life from our fractured husk as we give up hope, or slowly upwards to salvation as we break the gravitational pull of the Sun.

Sometimes it takes being crushed to escape as others come to our aid because our physical or mental state is so bad we need hospitalisation. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Sometimes it just needs a helping hand to help you regain the strength to put up your boundaries, to show you a way out of the unhealthy maelstrom, to find a way to first survive, then thrive. It will take time depending on where you are, how strong you can be, and how much you are willing to re-learn you are whole and complete as you are with all your special gifts.

There are many more stars in the galaxy, and many more galaxies in the universe and each of us needs to find our own Goldilocks zone around our own sun. I know the Sun can be addictive but there is a whole universe out there.

Support & Resources

There are many charities in the UK which offer support for emotional, mental and physical abuse associated with narcissism and I recommend calling them in confidence as your first step in becoming whole again. They offer everything from a sympathetic ear to guidance on steps you need to take to be safe, including referrals to Talking Therapies where you can discuss matters in confidence with trained counsellors. And remember, if ever you feel endangered, call the police. They are trained in these matters and will step in to protect you.

You can learn more about narcissism through videos on YouTube, as well as books such as Narcissist: A Complete Guide to Dealing with a Range of Narcissistic Personalities, The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse, and Narcissistic Abuse, but remember to look for books which also help you understand yourself better such as Toxic Magnetism: How & Why Empaths Attract Narcissists and Empath Awakening: How to Stop Absorbing Pain, Stress, and Negative Energy from Others and Start Healing, and those to help you heal, such as You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse: The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships and The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation. There are two sides to every story and you need to do inner work on yourself to heal and not just blame the narcissist for all the bad things that may have happened.

It is a complex area, so please do seek professional help and support as a first priority.